gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket, save ‘em for a time when you’re really gonna need ‘em
<3 thanks love! your encouragements help so much.
oh gosh, sure you can quote me haha. i mean i’m glad what i say gives you inspiration, i guess? i really wish you’d come off anon so we could chat more! you make my ramblings seem worth it :)
:’) thanks. i mean, isn’t that the point of a personal blog? for people to be themselves? i get people every day who think they have the right to judge me and they quickly find out they in fact do not have that right and nothing will stop me from posting what i deem appropriate (and sometimes not heh) on this blog. sometimes it’s the purest form of how i feel, and this is the only place i can express it. it makes me sad when people put up this false front on here, because in the end we’re all people, you know? we all have demons and angels, we have darkness and light, and we all fuck up. why hide it? why not imortalize it on the internet and have hundreds of other people going through the exact same thing there along the ride with you, giving you support? idk don’t listen to me haha. i’m just glad you enjoy the nonsense i ramble about!
i’ve felt so lonely today, so caught up in the pain i’m going through and the fact that it won’t be gone for a very long time. i start physical therapy tomorrow morning and i’m terrified. i won’t be allowed to go past 45 degrees of felxion for an entire month. then, at 3 months, i might have 90 degrees of flexion, and maybe at 5 months i’ll have full range of motion and be able to begin strengthening my knee at 6 months. i mean yeah, i’m healing very fast. i can already walk around with my brace on minus my crutches for a couple hours and people think i’m a walking miracle. but it hurts. they think that just because i can do that means i’m not in pain. wrong. but unlike many other people in this world, i won’t let the pain stop me. i refuse to let it control me. i don’t know, maybe i wasn’t cut out for this. people who have many more years of life experiences get this surgery and are able to stay calm and just do what the doctor orders. what do i do? i scream, i yell, i kick, i cry, i push myself towards a limit i don’t think exists until i stumble upon it. i get so very frustrated with how weak i feel, at least until Tristan says something like he did today that made it all seem worth it. he told me “you’re not weak, just very very precious” and i felt, in that infinite moment, precious. what i’m going through is precious, and will be precious to me depending on the outcome.
that beautiful moment when you think me worthy of such a sentiment
i derive so much pleasure from touching him in the simplest of ways - just touching him. our elbows, the outside of our thighs, our hips, anything. i can’t focus on anything so long as we’re touching.
life is just so much better when you look hot.
i feel so bad when friends notify me that i’ve been neglecting them. yeah, i’ve been busy post-surgery, but that isn’t an excuse. :(