why is it when people try to do the right thing they feel guilty for it? does that automatically make it bad then, if you’re having guilty thoughts about it? but it isn’t wrong at all… you’re only getting what you deserve, and yet someone can make you feel so guilty for it. how the hell does that happen?
i lost a friend today. he was brutally beaten… for no reason. he was white, 20 years old, a great kid. you know, it doesn’t matter that i haven’t had a real conversation with him in 3 years, because i still see his face in history class. always smiling, flirting, knowing he doesn’t stand a chance. death never used to bother me. it kind of still doesn’t. but when someone so young gets taken from this life… in a manner that is unjustifiable, i always question the necessity behind it. it hurts so much to think he’ll never laugh, flirt, smile again. to never have been able to say goodbye… for what? they don’t even know who did it or why. so his death was unnecessary, uncalled for, and so completely out of line that i question the very essence of my faith. it’s getting harder and harder to think of God as “merciful”. that’s all i’m going to say about that… and i look forward to seeing you in Heaven, Scott… rest in peace.